I spend several years as a customer service representative for a major bank on the east coast. I’ve learned how to present a case to CSRs in corporations for issues caused by their mistakes.

Linette at Apple is a damn good CSR. She got back to me this morning, and offered a free repair for my iPad–which was beyond my request for a discount. I’ll have a fully functional iPad soon. I asked if I could pay the retail difference between either a 16gb with 3G, or a 32gb WiFi version, and she will be calling me back in a short while with an answer.

Understand that I am not trying to get FREE!!11!! from Apple. I’m trying to be reasonable in my requests. Apple is taking the extra steps to ensure my loyalty.

Once this is over, I will be sending a link to my blog to Linette. (Hi, Linette! *wave*) She’s done a good job so far.

Oh, Apple, let’s never fight again! *hug*

Now for some tips on settling an issue with any company.

1. Be sure it was their mistake. It helps if you can prove it with paperwork, but often careful reasoning can stand in for paper proof. I can’t prove Heather told me that my card would be charged when they got my iPad–I don’t record my phone calls. But I satisfied Linette by being careful in explaining, laying out why and and how this affected me, and she said that I sounded very thorough and would take it for fact that I was told my card would not be charged.

2. It’s ok to be angry, it’s not ok to be abusive.
Using vulgarity (F*ck you, c*nt!) or profanity (G*d damn you to hell!) is abusive. Accept that as a fact, and work around that kind of language. Don’t call the rep names. That’s not productive. They aren’t personally responsible for the screw up. They can help you, and you do get more by being respectful of their humanity. I once hung up on a customer (against company rules!) for calling me a stupid c*nt. Yes, I could have gotten in trouble for it, but it would have been worth it to me. Conversely, I’ve spent hours and hours helping a customer because she was respectful of me, and as a result, I got a box of some of the best cookies from her bakery–Dancing Deer makes The Best Spice Cookies EVAR!

3. Let your anger drive your logic, but don’t let it run over your logic.
This is the hardest part; master your anger. Keep a clear head, think carefully about what the mistake has done to you. Try to put a monetary value on it if you can. AT the least, make a list.

4. Be reasonable in your expectations.
Apple can’t get me that special I missed out on at Aspen Creek. They can’t replace the night I would have spent at Glacier Pt learning about time-lapse videography from Tom, and schmoozing with Tony Rowell. But they will be able to do something to approximate the missed opportunities. Simply getting the hold taken off the funds is not enough–they need to address the missed opportunities. And they have, going above my expectations.

5. Don’t be a blogtard or entitletard.
“GIMME FREE OR I WILL BLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!111111!!” is a sure way of pissing folks off. I’m nobody. I’m one of a gazillion idiots with a camera, a computer and internet connectivity. So what? Likewise saying “I’ve got friends in high places…” or “I know Steve Jobs personally”, or “I’ve got lots of money to spend on your company…” Remember, CSRs want to do their job as best they can. It’s a matter of personal pride. They aren’t impressed by how many people subscribe to your blog, who your personal friends are, or how much money you will or won’t spend with them. Give them a chance to make it right as a matter of being a good CSR.

6. Be patient. Seriously.
It may take time for a rep to get back to you. It may take several iterations of explaining for them to fully understand your situation. Be patient.

7. Understand that the folks at the bottom are very limited in what they can do. Get kicked upstairs.
Heather could not take care of this–her scope of powers are limited. Ask to be bumped up to the next level. Linette is the third tier–and she still has to talk with her supervisors to get permission and information.

8. Be sure to tell folks the good that follows the bad. Bad news travels pretty fast–be sure to send good news out to catch up and overtake. Anyone you tell about your bad experience, make a point of giving them a follow up. Think old-school journalism. Let folks know how it turned out for you.

9. Don’t make their job harder for them by not being accessible!
Mea culpa. I think I missed a call from Linette by stepping out for a smoke just now. Again, I’m sorry, Linette!

In closing, a special thanks to JDM for talking me through my anger, and reminding me of how to approach this situation.